Jack and Jill Review

God damnit, Adam Sandler. How did you think it was possibly appropriate to make something that is such an excrescence of disgusting shit that is this movie? This is an insult to not only your fans throughout the years, but to film itself. This movie has taken one of cinema’s beloved and renowned actors and made a fool of him. I’m not talking about Adam Sandler, fuck him. I’m talking about Al Pacino. A sincere public apology should be in store from him for his fans.

Jack and Jill is about twins, Jack (Adam Sandler) and Jill (Adam Sandler in drag), who come together every year for Thanksgiving. Jack is a normal family man with his wife Erin (Katie Holmes) and two kids. Every year Jack dreads this time because that means his twin comes into town. The first scene Jill was in, I was saying to myself: “Please let this be one big stupid joke”. It wasn’t. It went on for 90 minutes. During those 90 minutes, we get the average story of Jack being ashamed and embarrassed of Jill until he realizes he shouldn’t be. Wow! Throw in a shit ton of useless cameos and Al Pacino embarrassing himself and you have this movie.

There really wasn’t any story to this. Jill just came for Thanksgiving, decided to stay for Hanukkah, and left on New Year’s. The pacing was fucked. Thanksgiving through Hanukkah takes ten minutes and New Year’s takes damn near an hour. The only sort of plot in this is Jack wanting to use Pacino for a Dunkin Donuts commercial and the only way he can get him is if he hooks him up with his sister. The rest is just a bunch of random shit thrown together for some apparent reason that lies beyond my understanding of logic and faith in humanity.

Adam Sandler plays the two lead roles. First for Jack, he plays his average asshole of a person; selfish and ignorant of his sister, but in the end learns his lesson. Yawn. For Jill, he plays a loud and obnoxious overweight woman that he so shittily mocks up. With a drag get up so awful, Tyler Perry is rolling in his grave (I know he’s not dead, but c’mon…). Then we have Al Pacino who plays himself and he for some reason is interested in Jill. It doesn’t make sense, but he really should not be in this movie. Other actors/actresses considered pointless include: Katie Holmes, Nick Swardson, Tim Meadows, and pretty much the rest of the Happy Madison gang.

If that doesn’t annoy you, the blatant product placement will. I don’t mind the clear shots of Sony products, it’s a Sony movie, but they really shove the Royal Caribbean Cruises in your face along with the constant Dunkin Donuts plug. Even if Jack is a commercial talent scout, we don’t need to hear about it over and over again.

The most disappointing thing about this movie was Al Pacino. Why would he stoop down to such level? To bring Scarface to its knees and urinate in its face is a call for global chaos. He was completely unneeded and does more harm than good.

If there is anyone whose career this movie ruined more, it would be Adam Sandler himself. He started slipping at Click and kept digging the hole with Chuck and Larry, Grown Ups, Just Go with It, and Zohan. This movie finally takes all the dirt from the hole he dug to literally bury himself in all of his failure. The classic Sandler that we all knew may be gone forever because of his need to still attempt to be immature. I think Sandler would be more entertaining if he acted his age and stopped trying to be what he used to be.

In the final scene of the movie, Pacino delivered a line that I like to believe directly relates to this movie. He said “Has anybody seen this? / No one should ever see this/ Burn this/ whoever has seen this needs to be talked to”. Which made me think: “Maybe this is all one joke and they acknowledge it in the end”? It could be, but to make 90 minutes of pure shit that makes the Human Centipede 2 look Oscar worthy is unacceptable as a joke or not. There is no value in this movie whatsoever. It is basically Adam Sandler making a fool of himself over and over again.

I think it is relevant to leave you with a quote from a Sandler movie we can all look back and reminisce (Don’t mind the rephrased parts. It’s only to make it relevant).

What you’ve just [showed us] is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever [seen]. At no point in your rambling, incoherent [movie] were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having [seen] it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Jack and Jill – -5/10

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