I Am Number Four Review

It only took me about a month and a half into the year to find my least favorite movie of 2011. Season of the Witch was holding on strong, but had no chance once I Am Number Four came into the picture. At least Season of the Witch had Nicholas Cage‘s amazing hair to carry the film. I Am Number Four rested on the shoulders of a young actor named Alex Pettyfer. This movie is full of problems, starting with the story, dialogue, acting, pacing and even parts of the special effects. I started liking the movie when there was about twenty minutes left, but that changed as soon as it ended. Even the last bit of action couldn’t save the movie from its bullshit ending. The ending pretty much reminds me you that you wasted $9.50 and two hours of your life.

Alex Pettyfer plays John, an alien who is hiding out on Earth. He is the fourth alien in the lineup and there is a group of killers out to get him. They like to kill the aliens in order because it makes it easier for the next alien to know when his/her number is up! Not the greatest strategy if you ask me, but what do I know? John is graced with a wonderful protector from the alien world named Henri. Henri is played by the always intense Timothy Olyphant. I’m not sure if Olyphant has some sort of eye problem, but he was in a dead stare the whole movie and he always looked like he was extremely pissed off about something. Trust me Timmy boy, a Hitman 2 script will be coming your way soon enough, so you won’t have to waste your so called “career” on movies like this and the TV show Justified.

Now Henri and John have been on the run forever. They can’t stay at a place too long because the evil tattoo people might find them and sniff them to death or kill them. Which is a huge problem for John because he is a lonely teenage with no friends and no girl to show his super cool glowing hands. The plot thickens when they move to a town with people that aren’t completely dumb. John meets a girl that’s interested in photography and a boy that is obsessed with aliens. This all fits into a giant mathematical equation. Alien lover boy + girl photographer = one happy hand glowing alien. He can now talk alien stuff with this new friend of his while letting the girl take AMAZING photos of his glowing hands. This makes John happy! Henri notices that John isn’t blending in and that they might be in danger, so he decides that they should relocate. This brings problems between John and Henri and from that point on everything goes wrong. John must protect his new friends and defend himself and Henri from these evil sniffers!

The trailer shows another alien who helps John. This lovely woman is known as Number 6. She is in the movie for a whole thirty minutes, most of which is at the end.

This movie is a mess on all levels. The story is dumb and the characters are lifeless. I was hoping that since this is a Michael Bay produced movie, we would get tons of heavy action sequences and boy was I wrong. The movie lacks action for most of its running time. We don’t get any of those cool sequences until the last twenty minutes, which is when Number 6 is introduced. The majority of the movie is John (oh yeah, he’s number 4 if you haven’t been reminded a hundred times yet in the movie) crying about not having friends and not knowing how to use his alien powers. If I had glowing hands I would brighten up everyone’s day! No need to be a Debbie downer! When a two hour movie feels like a four hour movie, you’ve got some problems and if you can’t give me action every fifteen minutes then give me characters I can care about! Give me characters that are played by decent actors. None of that is given and it really ruins this movie. It felt like a big mess and a big waste of time.

The ONLY thing I didn’t originally hate about this movie was the last twenty minutes. The last twenty minutes were full of some pretty sweet action that involved laser guns and force push! They manage to destroy a whole high school and wreck a few cop cars. I was excited to see the movie finally ending and with a bang none the less, but no, all that action is gone to waste because it’s followed by a crappy ending. It doesn’t resolve much of anything and it wants you to come back for more. NOT HAPPENING! I plan on staying as far away from this movie as possible.

Overall, I Am Number Four is a waste of two hours. It accomplishes nothing and manages to make you wonder what kind of audience this film was made for. Apparently this is based on a bestselling series of books and I for one would like to know why they are best sellers. Don’t let the flashy trailers fool you; there isn’t enough action to justify seeing this on the big screen, or any screen for that matter.

I Am Number Four – 5.5/10

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