Final Destination 5 Review

For over 10 years, we have seen these Final Destination movies pop up to give you the ever so gory over dramatization of those “what if” situations that you wonder about those everyday unsafe environments we put ourselves in. It makes the weak and naive feel scared of the nearly impossible happenings. They don’t feel safe anywhere else. The movies are their only escape, and thankfully to the fourth Final Destination, they proudly ruined any hopes of being safe in a movie theater from such insane activity. By now these movies have gone from a good movie idea, to a showcase of stellar impalements and freak accidents. Final Destination 5 is no stray from deaths plan.

Final Destination 5 starts like any other FD movie. First off, with a very cool 3D catering intro with glass, metal rods, knives, and blood coming at you on screen. The 3D looks very nice and it lures you in for some 3D popping kills later. Then we get to the story itself. Standard FD scenes. Your character introductions, a brief look at their relationships with others pretty much. The main two characters are Sam (Nicolas D’Agosto) and Molly (Emma Bell) who get most of the focus. They just broke up before they got on the bus to a company retreat.

Anyway, the bus takes off and they get up to this suspension bridge. Here comes the premonition. Such a glorious array of cars falling, people getting hit by suspension cables, awesome 3D impalements, and David Koechner dumped on by scolding hot tar. Because I am a sick fuck, I could not stop laughing by the end of this scene. I would put this up there in one of their more ridiculous premonitions.

Like expected, Sam snaps out of it and warns the people to get the fuck out of there. Other characters promptly follow as they managed to make it off before the bridge gave way on them. From here on, they start getting killed off. A lot of the deaths catch you off guard with their false build ups like these movies are known for. After a few deaths, they talk to the coroner (Tony Todd) who has been around on every crime scene. He gives them his creepy lecture about death and his plan, but this time, he says that you can trade your life if you kill someone else. Seems legit.

Story wise, this movie goes the way you expect it. It follows every other movie. There is nothing unforeseen that you couldn’t already guess. The only thing you cant really expect is HOW some of the people are going to die. Steven Quale does a good job keeping what little integrity and sense that Final Destination movies don’t have far out of grasp never to be reached again.

I will say though, the ending I did not see coming. I am very pleased with how they ended this movie and couldn’t have thought of a better way. It managed to bring a smirk to my face when I saw what the characters were walking into.

LIke most of these movies, the acting was lame. I wasn’t expecting good acting. Hell, I lowered my bar of expectations for this movie and they just seemed to limbo right under it. How fucked up is that? Whether it’s the nerdy/pudgy guy who apparently is a ladies man with shitty lines, or the sensible main star who doesn’t seem to give a shit about anyone but his girlfriend, the acting isn’t this movies shining feature. It seems as each person dies, the others could give two shits about it.

Lets be honest though, we see these movies for the freak accidents. That’s how they make their money. Steven Quale manages to go over the top with these accidents. They look good and they are very gruesome. For that, I shall give a thumbs up for thoroughly keeping me entertained with such calamity. Without these, this would be shit.

Overall, I would say this movie kept me entertained throughout. If you have a sick sense of humor like I, you will have your share of laughs at the ridiculous deaths. If not, I may need to see a therapist. Without a solid story or characters we care about, why should we care who is being burned by hot tar, or having metal rebar impaled through their face, or crying over someone who barely got 5 minutes of screen time while everyone else shrugs off the rest of their friends dying? I’m just kidding, it’s a Final Destination movie! They don’t have time to woo you in with a story, just get to fucking slaughter!

Final Destination 5 – 7.5/10

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