Cowboys & Aliens Review

You know, for a long time now, Westerns have had it too well. They have had their head’s up their asses for far to long thinking they are the best thing since (at the time) showers. I’ll admit, I am not a fan of Westerns. I found them boring as fuck. With the exception of a few movies, I cannot justify sitting through them. You know who else hates Westerns? Aliens. Aliens know how I feel about the fucking pricks who think they’re the best because they can draw their gun faster. No, fuck that. They will not allow this anymore. They need to take a stand to these assholes. That is where Cowboys & Aliens comes in.

Cowboys & Aliens begins with John Lonergan (Daniel Craig) waking up in a desert having no idea who he is or what happened. He appears to have some sort of metal shackle on his wrist that he has no idea what it is. A group of hecklers come up and start stirring up a whole mess of trouble. John beats the shit out of them and takes their clothes. Fair enough. John strolls on in on a lone horse into the town of Absolution. A pretty lonesome and stereotypic Western town if I do say so myself. Right away, John gets himself into some trouble in the town. Percy Dolarhyde (Paul Dano) is the son of the rich cattle rancher Woodrow Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford) and he likes to go around Absolution and fuck shit up. Percy shoots his gun around and taunts the towns people. John stands up for the town people the only way an honest man can, with a swift kick to the groin.

With a fine young girl named Ella (Olivia Wilde) constantly following John around, she finally confronts him asking who he is and what happened. He had no idea what the crazy bitch was on, but before he could say much more the sheriff rolls in the saloon to flaunt a warrant out for John. He goes quietly only hurting a few deputies.

Soon after he is held in jail with the ever-so-whiney Percy, shit starts to go down. Woodrow gets into town asking for his son. Soon after they see a glowing light over the horizon. John’s wrist shackle starts beeping. Shortly then the whole town gets ass-banged by a major alien attack. People are being grabbed away just like that and vaporized. It wasn’t until then, John found the powers of the wrist shackle. He started shooting up the aliens and the towns people who turned against him now found some use out of this mysterious man.

From there on is a journey of some of the towns people who’s loved ones were taken by the aliens to get their family back. With your action fix sprinkled in there to keep you from zoning out, the movie becomes pretty standard. They run into different groups of people who help slowly unveil who John really is and if they have been affected by the aliens.

I think as far as the whole concept goes, I think John Favreau does a decent job balancing the classic elements of a western with the addition of aliens to give it a twist of lime. Plus, the action is pretty edgy for a PG-13 I think. Which is good, because this movie would be boring as shit without action, aliens, or Daniel Craig.

For the acting concerns, I believe it is pretty standard. Daniel Craig does what Daniel Craig usually does. The quiet and near emotionless drone that he is who can kick anyones ass. Then there is Harrison Ford who plays your standard prick of a dick. He is intolerant and impatient. Finally, Olivia Wylde does a decent job doing whatever she does.

Overall, Cowboys & Aliens is what it is. It’s a fucking movie with Cowboys and Aliens. The movie balances the western/sci-fi thing pretty well. There are a few points in the movie in which I don’t understand why it is there. Other than those, I have no real complaints about the movie. It isn’t stellar, but I think Favreau does a better job than his shitty Iron Man movies that people seem to enjoy. I would say it’s a decent popcorn flick if you are into what is advertised. There some decent action put in there, but nothing that really blows your mind. Don’t go into it expecting something awesome. If so, you’re fucked.

Cowboys & Aliens – 7/10

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