The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 Review

Breaking Dawn Part 1 is the first movie of the Twilight Saga that I have ever witnessed with my own eyes. I have not read the books, nor do I intend to. This review is looking at it by means as a movie. Sure, it’s another sequel to a highly popular book series/movie saga, but I think if you see a movie that is within the core of the long story, you’ll get all the elements and information you would need to get a vague understanding of it.

To look at this as an actual movie, it surely does not have enough give to break the threshold of tolerability and sense. Really, the only enjoyment a casual viewer (not a Twi-Hard) can get out of it is to not take any of the material seriously. I did get many laughs out of Breaking Dawn, but none of which were the seemingly cheesy inside jokes that the fans laughed at. The themes itself and the way it is delivered is enough to turn this theatrical soap opera into something cheesy for others to enjoy. Though, even if you don’t take it seriously, the level of badness this movie brings overpowers most cheesy and ridiculous moments.

To give you a further understanding of this, let’s bring you in to the downward spiral into pandemonium that is Breaking Dawn Part 1.

I was unable to see the first few minutes of the movie due to technical difficulties at the theater, but from what I heard and remembered from the trailers, it was the wolf boy Jacob (Taylor Lautner) getting an invitation to Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward’s (Robert Pattinson) wedding. I’m assuming he got furious and ripped off his shirt and ran into the woods.

For the first, what seems like, 45 minutes, we as an audience are put through this drag of a wedding that really has no conflict to keep us interested. The only sense of entertainment we had was Bella’s dream of the wedding. It was actually very decent imagery by cinematographer Guillermo Navarro. As they stood on the altar, in a sort of flash, Edward’s white tux is covered in blood and they are standing on a pile of dead bodies. It all sounds cool, but the cheesy soap music killed any sort of horrific vibe they were going for. Bella snaps back to reality and goes through with the wedding.

Now we get to the honeymoon. As they pass through Rio, for two minutes, they use the same exact shot of the Christ the Redeemer statue as they used in Fast Five. C’mon! Anyway, they hop on a boat and take off to an isolated island where Bella and Edward spend their honeymoon. Soon enough, the mood gets thick and they eventually fuck. After the brief scenes of vamp-love making, it cuts to Bella lying in a ruined bed. Who knew Edward would be such a G in bed?

From there, bad shit starts happening. Bella wants more of the vampire D but Edward is too much of a bitch to give it to her because it kind of hurt her. So instead he shrugs off any invitation to fuck that Bella gives him. He eventually gives in and does it again. Soon after, Bella realizes she is pregnant. They deemed the pregnancy impossible, but apparently it still happened. There was no attempt at trying to figure out why it happened, leaving the audience feeling left out that such an impossibility is miraculously possible.

The baby starts growing inside Bella faster than you would even imagine. In a process that takes nine months for humans, it takes about 2 weeks for vampire/human babies. The baby is taking up all the nutrients in Bella and Edward is pissed at the unborn fetus/baby (depending on what side of the argument you are on). The only way to keep her going is if she starts drinking blood. She slurps the blood down as if it was a delicious Sonic Blast and feeds the baby so it won’t kill her.

As all that shit is going on, whatever sort of treaty with the wolf-people and vampires is broken since Bella is in danger of her life, so that eventually means war between them. And what a chaotic battle we get, wolves and vampires flying all over the place in such close up shots of fighting scenes. It was hard to comprehend what was going on.

So finally, Bella gives birth to the baby, with the help of Edward gnawing it out of her womb with his teeth, of course. The baby, not five minutes old, is already claimed by Jacob who “imprinted” baby Renesmee as his. The pedophiliac nature of the scene is horrific just thinking of it. A teen wolf falling in love with a new born baby puts Chris Hanson at a loss of words.

Truly, Breaking Dawn Part 1 is a mess of a movie that first caters to the fantasies of the 15 year old girl. Giving them their heartwarming wedding with the sensitive man of their dreams, bringing the drama of the love triangle between that sensitive man, and the edgier adventurous guy, and the eventual honeymoon that leads to the deflowering of a monotonous teenager and the suspected 1000 year old virgin vampire.

But then the movie takes it turn to try and deliver something that I think was supposed to be horrific, but turned out more comical than anything. With the baby killing Bella inside of her and it eventually being ripped out of her couldn’t have made a better WTF moment.

There are a couple things that could make these movies better:

First, the acting. Our main two stars looked bored as shit. Robert Pattinson‘s character just becomes more emo throughout the movie by stepping back from things that he should take initiative on. If he didn’t want that baby to hurt Bella in the first place, then I think he is strong enough to rip the baby out of her before its developed, rather than wait until it finally comes out and has greater risk of killing her. Instead of taking action, he just mopes on how things are hurting her, but he does nothing to prevent it.

Then there is Kristen Stewart who honestly has no other emotions. I have seen jokes on the internet of her, but I thought they couldn’t possibly be that true that she has no real emotion. After seeing this movie, it confirms what I have heard. She really doesn’t do anything but walk around with a straight neutral face and try and pass it off as acting. Her character is too passive. “Oh I have a demon spawn inside of me? That sucks, I guess” That is what I got out of her enthusiasm in her work. She doesn’t put any spirit in her acting and we get the greyest shade of grey with her.

If there is anyone who actually tried in this movie, Taylor Lautner is your guy. Try he might, he still can’t deliver a line properly. He just spew’s out his lines with whatever emotion you call that and everyone else has to work with that. It’s actually quite humorous watching him act. You would think if he really wasn’t taking himself seriously, this would be some serious Neil Patrick Harris quality acting. Self-aware and ironic acting that is so cheesy you can’t help but laugh. Sadly, it is not the case with Lautner, he truly is a less than average actor, with Abduction being proof he can’t do things on his own. So I guess it seems fitting he falls in love with the baby who, even though it was CG, matched up with Lautner’s acting.

The rest of the problems lie within the source material. Stephanie Meyer has created these non-comprehendible books that pretty much stress the importance of having a boyfriend. That’s about it. It’s exaggerated high school drama that doesn’t turn out well on the big screen. So director Bill Condon has to try and polish a turd with a big stack of poop. It’s more counterproductive than anything. Condon tries to keep the movie as authentic to the book as he can (and I’m sure he did so) but with doing that, there was really no space to do anything himself.

Breaking Dawn Part 1 is a mess of a movie that gave me insight on what is one of the most popular movie/book franchises out today. I don’t get why people like this and I don’t get why this appeals to teenagers. To me, it seems like just a bunch of exaggerated high school drama with vampires and wolves. Maybe that is their selling point. It doesn’t get me one bit. It’s the horrible acting and a cheesy story that makes this movie bad, but the outrageous moments make it laughable. By no means are there any redeeming qualities in this movie or ones that I took the time to think about, to make this passable to the general public. It is bad on almost every level. I am left pondering why people are so die hard about this. Is there any hope left for humanity? Or are we going to wither away socially into one giant melodramatic culture. I want no part of that. Thankfully, there is only one more of these.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 – 2.5/10

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